Although freegrayslake.org insists that slavery exists in Grayslake, this free [man] was spotted just yesterday.

Recent studies have confirmed a relatively shocking discovery: the creators of the local web site freegrayslake.org [really suck...at everything].

Speculations first arose when the site attempted to start a revolutionary boycott against Dollar General, claiming that it was prejudice against teenagers. [They told him to take off his backpack in the store! Oh no!] However, besides the fact that the 2004 Dollar General Back-to-School grant program awarded fourteen $5,000 grants to assist schools in meeting financial challenges, and the fact that the Grayslake Dollar General encourages high school students to paint its windows during Homecoming week [and allowed the seniors to leave the window painted], the Grayslake store is probably exclusively intolerant toward the freegrayslake.org creators for a number of reasons.

First of all, the freegrayslake.org “staff members” have apparently invented a new language (similar to English) that coincides with their hardcore rebelliousness. As evidence, the G-Lake Newz presents the following quote, found at the bottom of the freegrayslake.org forums: “Threads that don't even disserve existence, we give forum??!” The second portion of the quote retains a structure that appears to be of a primitive nature. In addition, the word “disserve,” meaning “to harm” in modern English, is used in a peculiar manner. [Dollar General is prejudice toward this idiocy, but also have other qualified reasons to dislike these kids.]

Another piece of evidence is their obvious confusion surrounding the location of Godzilla. The large green monster has never been in and never will be in Grayslake, contrary to the flamboyant conviction of freegrayslake.org. As most [logical] people know, Godzilla’s appetite calls solely for the nutrients of Japanese people.

Also, the freegrayslake.org creators believe that Grayslake is still involved in the slave trade. Although it may be shocking to them, slavery was abolished in the United States in 1865. [There's no need to free Grayslake.]

[The G-Lake Newz used to be allied with freegrayslake.org. One of their premier articles was about student-run web sites, and they mentioned the G-Lake Newz! We here soon realized, though, that this was not a good alliance. The G-Lake Newz would not want to be associated with something so petty and ignorant. Freegrayslake.org actually posted an article about the unfair GPA system at GCHS, stating that colleges would look at GCHS students' GPA's and compare them directly to other GPA's without converting or looking at class selection and that GCHS had an unfair GPA system! Well, they were wrong. Very wrong. While GCHS does have a GPA system that could use some work, all of the "facts" stated by freegrayslake.org were completely and utterly wrong. And THEN, to add injury to insult, when G-Lake Newz's Justin Brown confronted freegrayslake.org about their article on the forums, they asked him for concrete evidence! Why they wouldn't ask for this before writing an article, we're still not sure.]

[The last straw was drawn when freegrayslake.org actually censored the G-Lake Newz. We left a nice, pleasant comment on their forums to the effect of "hey, bitches, G-Lake Newz is back, owns you, and is better than you will ever be." They DELETED this comment! Now if that isn't downright dirty, we don't know what is.]

While these facts are clearly proof enough, the final bit of evidence is most significant. It was foretold by a prophecy found in Revelations 16:13. It reads: “I saw coming out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet, three unclean spirits, something like frogs.” The passage undeniably means that freegrayslake.org blows.